TEN WAYS TO FIND THE ‘WOW’ AGAIN IN MIDLIFE
When was the last time you looked at something or felt something and said, “wow”? If you are at a certain stage of life, with bills, children, work commitments, elderly parents and a never-ending to-do list, the chances are that word hasn’t been part of your vocabulary for some time. But one woman, 44-year- old Lucy Stone, a former BBC journalist and the author of Find Your Wow, is on a mission to change that.
Stone’s new book is about how to rediscover that sense of wonder and joy that we so often struggle to find as adults. The book looks at how we are currently living in a “wow-less” world where we are permanently distracted and overwhelmed. It looks at how we can cultivate the right conditions to find some joy in the everyday (good “wow” hunting).
The turning point for Stone, who grew up in Somerset and studied law before joining the BBC, came in November 2015 in Paris. Having booked into a teacher training course for children’s yoga, she had a Sliding Doors moment during the terror attacks.
“After the first day on the Friday (the 13th), a group of us went for dinner. We almost turned left towards the Bataclan Theatre, but just then we stumbled across a place that could take all of us. Afterwards, as I was on my way back to the hotel, my phone started to light up with messages, ‘Are you OK?’” she says. “Soon the streets were filled with sirens. I got to my room and saw on the news there had been an awful attack at the theatre. If I had taken another route, life could have turned out very different.”
It was a wake-up call for Stone, who was working for a busy corporate PR agency at the time and juggling work with raising her young son and looking after her mother, who had health issues. “It made me realise that life is precious and short and that it can change in an instant,” she says.
She resigned from her job and travelled to India for seven weeks, leaving her then-husband in charge of their son, Freddie. She did a course in meditation and yoga and set up a health and wellbeing business when she returned.
Over the following four years, Stone went on to teach mindfulness to more than 15,000 primary school children, but when schools closed over lockdown in 2020, she pivoted and began working with organisations including Deloitte, GoDaddy and the House of Commons. She has gone on to work with politicians, CEOs and athletes.
She realised that many of her colleagues and peers were feeling burnt out and exhausted.
“Many of the people I taught felt as though they had lost a sense of who we were and almost all were just plain tired,” she says.
She is not wrong. A recent study by AXA UK and the Centre for Business & Economic Research found that one in two people feels overwhelmed and more than a fifth of adults in the UK are in emotional distress.
Stone believes that helping people find fragments of joy can help counteract the feeling of overwhelm.
“I want to try to help people tap into their creativity and playfulness, to relearn how to take time for fun and joy and to reconnect with others,” she says.
So how can you rediscover the joys in your day-to-day life and recapture that sense of childhood wonder?
Firstly, it’s worth noting that there are different types of “wows”: spontaneous wows where, for example, you turn a corner and are met with a huge rainbow that stops you in your tracks; planned wows, where you intentionally seek something out, such as a glorious view; and situational wows, such as a concert or festival.
Here’s how you can find them.
Take a play break
Throughout the day, stop what you are doing to listen to music, play with a toy or doodle on a piece of paper. “Stretching your brain in different ways and daydreaming can stimulate your imagination,” Stone says.
Do something new and change your routine
Routine can be a wow-killer, so breaking up the monotony by doing something different can help inject a bit of joy into your day. “Mix up what and how, where and when you do things,” advises Stone. “Take a different route to work, use your lunch break to explore a different part of your neighbourhood, schedule in a novel post-work activity or try cooking a different meal one night.”
Get creative
Whether it is playing a musical instrument, sketching, painting, modelling with clay, dancing, or writing in a journal, creative pursuits are a great place to find joy. “What’s more, when we find flow in a creative activity, we might find inspiration for other areas of our life,” says Stone. “Music, for example – whether listening to or playing – is often a place where we can experience that sense of complete absorption.”
Think of how you can also bring an element of creativity to your cooking, baking, gardening or even DIY around the house. “Remember that finding flow is about stretching your abilities, using your imagination, problem-solving, taking risks, learning and believing in yourself,” says Stone.
Learn from children
Children are masters of wow, says Stone. “They are natural inhabitants of the present moment and they have a natural sense of awe and wonder about the world,” she explains.
Children are particularly tuned into the wonders of the world between the ages of six and eight, according to Stone. “Their imagination is on fire at this stage of their development, that’s why children of this age play make-believe and pretend so brilliantly.” If you have a child in your life, watch them and learn.
Practise meditation
“When we practise meditation, we often close our eyes, which reduces the information coming into your brain by about 80 per cent,” says Stone. By focusing on the breath and shifting our attention inwards, the brainwaves naturally slow down because there will be fewer external stimuli, and you begin to work towards the “alpha state”, defined by scientists as “a state of wakeful rest”.
“The more we focus on ourselves, the more we practise, the brainwaves will slow down even more and eventually enter the theta [the most relaxed] state,” Stone says. “This is when the barriers between the conscious and the subconscious mind are lowered. This can help take you back into the childlike state, in a world of wow.”
Spend time in nature
Spending time outside can not only lower your blood pressure and reduce feelings of stress or anxiety, but can also help boost your chances of finding a wow moment. Whether it’s spotting a heron on a river nearby or looking up in wonder at the sky above you, getting outside can bring a boost.
Or watch a nature programme
If it’s difficult to find the time to get to a park or the countryside, put a nature programme on television. “Simply seeing images of awe-inspiring nature scenes can boost your mood,” says Stone. “When we experience awe, we feel small, and our attention shifts to the wider world rather than ourselves.” Perhaps that’s why David Attenborough is so popular.
Turn off your phone and enjoy the silence
Technology can be a good thing and provide us with many opportunities, but it can also become all-consuming when you’re always connected, always reachable and permanently plugged in. It can also numb us to the wows around us and be an ongoing distraction.
“Turn your phone off for one hour, a whole day or even an entire weekend,” Stone says. “At the very least, try silencing some – or all – of the notifications so there are fewer dings, beeps and badges.”
Drowning out the noise can be an effective way of tuning into the world around you. “You could also try turning off the television, music or radio for a few minutes to give yourself some total silence. Take a minute to notice and really pay attention to where you are, what you’re doing and what’s going on around you,” Stone says.
Listen. Really listen
When was the last time you remembered everything someone said to you? When talking to other people, try to be present with whoever you are with. “Look at them, and most importantly, take time to listen to what the person is saying, without feeling the need to jump in and fill the void,” Stone says. “Having a new-found curiosity and consideration for the other person might lead you to some surprising discoveries and take you outside of yourself.”
Get out of your comfort zone
Finding opportunities where you can push yourself out of your comfort zone will also give you a better chance of finding a wow experience. This doesn’t have to mean a big, life-changing activity, says Stone. “Even attempting a half marathon when you are not quite ready for a 10k can really help.” Or joining a dance class, or learning a new language.
Ultimately, it’s about saying “yes” to an opportunity you may not think you can do, ignoring your inner critic and giving yourself the courage to step out of your comfort zone.
And finally …
Stone references a book called The Happiness Curve: Why Life Gets Better After Midlife by journalist Jonathan Rauch (published in 2018). In it, Rauch describes a “happiness graph” shaped like a smile. “It starts at the top, with our happiest point in childhood, slowly descends in a curve until midlife of around 40 to 50 years old, until it begins to start creeping back up at retirement until our very oldest age,” she says. “Perhaps that is because we start our life with high hopes and dreams, and we gradually realise those are unlikely to be fulfilled.”
Middle age, or what we now like to call midlife, might be a low point when it comes to happiness, but this typically changes after the age of 50. “Midlife often also brings with it a new sense of realism, an appreciation and gratitude for the present moment, a determination to enjoy life, and thus begins a search for more happiness and wow,” says Stone.
So if you’re feeling a bit down in the dumps, it’s to be expected. Perhaps you just need to start injecting a few more “wows” into your life.
‘Find Your Wow: How Seeing the World Differently Might Just Change Your Mind’ (£11.99, Wonderfield) is out now
Have you tried and tested any other ways that helped you rediscover the ‘wow’? Please share yours in the comments section below
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